Monday, May 18, 2009

New favorite song!!! Sorry Motions

Never let 'em see you when you're breaking
Never let 'em see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scarred
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see love. Let grace be enough

[CHORUS]
By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed


I don't have to be perfect! God accepts me just as i am. Its so easy to look at other people and think there life is so perfect. They seem to have everything together. But they might be hurting inside. They put on a smile and say they are okay but they are not. I have gone through that feeling like nobody cares but i don't need people to define me. This is just a very empowering song for anybody who feels like they are a nobody. This song is so so encouraging to me. I don't have to pretend like i have never made mistakes or done stupid things. God is gonna love with despite my scars and brokeness.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

In case you haven't noticed

I really really love music. I find it all so amazing. Just the words people write and how they get it to sound so awesome is so incredibly amazing to me. Right now i am truly impressed by Jeremy Camp's new album- Speaking Louder Then Before. If you haven't heard it you should! I'm not usually a fan of his but i love the song There will be a Day so i decided to buy his album and i'm so lucky i did. Currently my new favorite song is You will be there. .......


I begin the day
with the faith you fashion my ways,
And I cannot escape
for your hand it leads.
Your right hand holds me.

[Chorus] When I wake, you will be there.
When the sun goes down in the night,
You wil be there.

My life has been ordained.
You have formed this very frame
And I am fearfully made.
For I was made in that secret place.

[Repeat Chorus]
How precious are your thoughts, all over me.
They're more than the sands of the sea.


Just writing the lyrics doesn't really do the song justice. There is just something behind the song that just makes me cry every time i hear it. I guess it might just be because i have recently gotten better in my relationship with God. For so long i have been trying to live my life how i want to. I am so prideful. I could see how my life was so unsatisfying and how horrible i felt all the time but for so long i refuse to give it to God. I had convinced myself that I knew best. I don't really know i got out of this but i do know that it was all God and not me. I still have trouble truly giving my whole life to Him. I'm only human but i can see how great my life is when he is really in control. Anyways back to the song...There are so many times i can't believe God is there for me. He is always there for me NO Mattter What! He knows my thoughts. He cares for ME! Whenever i feel down and like no one is there for me i can just put this song on and realize i am not alone. And i will never be alone. This is really comforting :D

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Just a thought

"I Will Rise"

There's a peace
I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:] And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:] And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb" [x2]

[Chorus:] And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise



If someone took a picture of my life right now, would they see God? Of just a person living however they want? Am i living my life for me or am i giving God everything? Abraham trusted God and loved God so much that he was willing to sacrifice his only son just to please Him. What have I sacrificed for God? Sure giving up things for a couple of days or weeks is good. But why not give it up forever? Praying and reading your Bible everyday for at least 15 minutes a day for a couple of days or weeks is good. But why stop? I want want to be a sometimes Christian. Just having a real relationship with God just when it's a challenge. God made the ultimate sacrifice when He sent His only Son to die on the cross for me. I still sometimes can't believe the for me part. How He can love me even though I've turned away from Him so many times. It's encouraging and always convicting. I need to give God everything. So He can be my everything. There is nothing, nor will there ever be anything that will fill your life like God. Right now the song "I will rise" by Chris Tomlin comes to mind. There will be a day when i will have to stand before Him and I can't do anymore "good" works or bring anymore people to Christ. I'm just going to fall down on my knees and realize that nothing besides God matters at all. I'm just going to be so overcome with happiness and humility and love. I want to live my life the best I can for Him. So i can rise when He calls my name.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Bring the rain

"I can count a million times
People asking me how
I Can praise You with all that I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You
Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain
So I pray

Holy, holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty"

I read in the book about a professional golfer playing a round of golf with Gerald Ford and Billy Graham. After playing somebody asked the golfer how it was playing with Billy Graham. He started cursing and saying he didn't need Billy stuffing religion down his throat. Billy Graham hadn't said a word about God or religion to the golfer but Billy is so indentified with religion and God that the wicked people just flee from him. Just being around Billy made the golfer uncomfortable and probably ashamed and convicted. I think thats so incredible the presence Billy has and i want that. I want when people are around me i want them to sense and to just see a light in me. I want to be persecuted for having Christ in me. That might sound weird but it's true. Who would think persecution would be a good thing? But it can be a great thing. When satan sees you as a threat, as someone who is furthering God's kingdom, he is going to attack. If you're not being persecuted by satan he doesn't see you as a threat. So if it means that i have to hurt to glorify God then I'll do it. I don't know how many times I've sang "Bring the Rain" by Mercy Me. If you really think about the words, "Bring me joy, Bring me peace, Bring the chance to be free. Bring me everything that brings You glory. And i know there'll be days when this life brings me pain but if thats what it takes to praise you. Jesus bring the rain." This songs is kind of saying bring me hurt so i can praise God. Its asking for whatever, everthing no matter what it is to bring glory to God.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Going down head first

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her?
Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steepleI
f lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction


Its like they are reading my mind or something. I'm surrounded by people but i am completely alone. Nobody has any idea that i am in deep depression or that i've cried myself to sleep for the last month and a half. i say i am fine but i am a complete liar. I hate fake people..sure i say i am hurting and then all i get is fake sympathy. Where were they when i really needed them? Why werent they there when i didn't need them? You never ever talk to me but you expect me to believe that you care now??? i don't think so. i can't take the heartache anymore. i can't keep fooling myself to believe that even though i don't get the big ceremony or the people congratulating me i'll be fine but i'm NOT! This hurts more then anything ever has before. there is nothing that can make me feel better about this. I hate being around people who are talking about graduating. or even just people because i don't want them to ask me what i am going to do. I AM GOING TO DO NOTHING! I have nothing to celebrate because i accomplished nothing.
Its so sad to know nobody has any idea what i am going through. Nobody how much pain i am actually in. This words don't even truly express what i am going through. Whatever. i'm done

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Satisfy

I can not tell you how many songs have had special meaning to me. I could go on and on for days....and i just might..... so i turned on windows media player and the song that came up issss.....

Satisfy by Tenth Avenue North-----side note this is one of my absoulute favorite bands next to Rush of Fools. i was EXTREMELY lucky to see them live in concert in March. and i can't wait to see them again some day....-------

"Before the sun has touched the sky
Colors bursting from Your eyes
Before the flood of the morning light
Before the earth has felt Your heat
Before I stand up to my feet
Before I begin to feel this weak

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord

When the day is closing in
Like the stars in the night I am falling
Into the pull of the earth and it's affection
In me, oh lord, can you create
A pure heart cuz I'm afraid
That I just might run back to the things I hate

Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Satisfy me Lord, oh oh
Yeah, I'm begging You, to help me see
You're all I want, You're all I need
Oh, satisfy me Lord
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're love is all I need to live
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're more than all this world can give
You're beautiful, more beautiful
You're love is all I need to live"



I don't need anything else in this world besides God. Everything in the world will pass away. Everyone in this world will hurt and dissappoint you. God never will never leave you or forsake you. It is so easy to love and want to do worldly things but they will just leave you hollow and wanting more. God has everyhing you could ever need. Sometimes you just need to cry out to Him. you feel so empty like everything is going wrong like nobody understands what you are going through. like nothing can make it go away. this song just is a cry for God to come in and satisfy all your desires to fill that hole and to make you feel like somebody does care. Help me see that you are all i need God cause you are all i need. Your love is all i need to live. help me see that.

First of all....

I'm an overanalyzer. I think about things for way too long. Play it over and over in my head. i care way to much about what other people think of me. I attempt to live my life for Christ but i am sinner and i fail often. I have absolutely no idea what i'm going to be "when i grow up" (which is in about 3 months). If i truly searched inside my heart, what i really want to be in a singer. Big dreams. Big dreams. Anyways ....i have a lot of thougts in my head and i'm just writing them down. Tell me what you think : )